Jacqueline M Pane is an ordinary woman in her thirties and like all women she knows that life would be perfect if only she had a small bum, a Prada handbag and didn't grow a moustache once a month Follow Jacqueline as she misjudges Perfect Peter, enrols on a cellulite away-day and eats chocolate to annoy her father Chart her progress as she perfects the art of feeling shitty about every single bit of herself, and doubts everything - from her earrings to her bus route