To The Guy at The Coffee Shop,

I did not intend to give you my phone number. I was actually waiting on several dates to show up; don't ask, it's a long story. I certainly didn't need to slip my number into your pastry bag just so I could attempt to catch you. I don't even know who you are and I don't care. I found you to be extremely impertinent at the coffee shop. Who interrupts someone else's date to tell their own anecdotes and stories? Especially when that someone else is a stranger. Just because we had a five minute verbal sparring match, it doesn't mean we actually know each other. No, I have no interest in getting dating advice from you. And I certainly have no interest in learning the art of flirtatious touch. Are you out of your mind. All I can say is please stop sending me daily dating tips. Maybe work on not being a cocky ass before you try to help others.

Now Leave Me Alone,

Lilian

P.S. Please Lose This Number