Everyone is struggling to forgive someone: an unfaithful partner, an alcoholic parent, an ungrateful child, a terrorist. Updated for a new generation, this award-winning book provides a radical way for hurt parties to heal themselves-without forgiving, as well as a way for offenders to earn genuine forgiveness. Until now, we've been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives-without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for earning genuine forgiveness-one that asks as much of the offender as it does of the hurt party. Beautifully written and filled with insight, practical advice, and poignant case studies, this bold and healing book offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these: - How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead? - When is forgiveness cheap? - Can I heal myself-without forgiving?