"Mrs Goobastank liked to start each day with a cup of extra strong tea.

"She liked her tea black, without sugar. As she told anyone who visited her – which was not quite no-one, but not far off – "I'm sweet e-f*cking-nough."

"After she had her morning tea in her favourite – and only – ceramic mug (which had a chip in the rim, but Mrs Goobastank didn't care) she would shuffle to the bathroom to perform her daily beauty regimen."

Mrs Goobastank may well be the most vulgar, crass heroine you've never met. In Pierrette le Flange's second Mrs Goobastank story, her thoroughly unpleasant heroine (with an unnaturally large private area) has her morning beauty regimen interrupted by a rogue rodent who has taken up residence in her hedge-like hairdo.

Hilarious, offensive, and definitely for adult readers only.