'You must be Norman,' I smiled. 'And you must be Mistaken,' he said, smiling back with a certain edge. 'If you start calling me Norman, I shall set fire to you.' After successfully 'liberating' the school chemistry lab with a Bunsen burner and a box of Swan Vestas, 16-year-old Windy Baboulene escapes the clutches of the police by impetuously embarking on a career in the Merchant Navy. Lurching from one disaster to another, Windy and his fellow cadets NotNorman and Gonad work their way around the world, leaving a trail of destruction and broken hearts in their wake. Along the way Windy poses as a millionaire playboy, faces the terrors of the Crossing the Line ceremony, spends time in a police cell in Australia and fails (just) to sink the ship, all under the beady eye of the irascible First Mate. After many hilarious misadventures, Windy eventually begins the long voyage home via the Pacific Islands, Panama and the Azores, returning to England, a fully-fledged, hairy-arsed 17-year-old veteran sailor. Unbelievable? Sadly, it's all true.