Based on Nussknacker und Mausekönig written by Prussian author ETA Hoffman in 1816, this story tells a children's version of the Nutcracker, as observed by Louise and Thelma of The Little Rattuses™ fame. This is the same story that, in 1892, was transposed into a ballet by the Russian composer Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky along with choreographers Marius Petipa and Lev Ivanov. Their version was adapted by none other than Alexandre Dumas. Mine was evidently adapted by a dumb-ass.