My friends have often had cause to remark, I lack both the tact and the embarrassment genes and so am totally uninhibited about asking incredibly personal questions. I'm driven by two specific things: a very low threshold of boredom on the one hand and almost insatiable curiosity on the other. It's a toxic mix that sometimes makes my wife wince with embarrassment and occasionally loses us friends but, at long last, I can put it to some practical use.

So here are a hundred or so questions of a sexual orientation: breezy not sleazy; entertaining not titillating - if any bloke reading this gets a hard on then I will have failed. (if, on the other hand, any woman – any extremely cute woman - finds herself getting incredibly aroused by something I've written, then my email address can be found at the back of the book. I am, of course happily married and totally monogamous but, hey, everything's negotiable...)