Could the greatest power...

The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination...

The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness...

...be obtained by bottling farts???

"Shh...it's our secret..." Vlad told the little boy. "Use the power wisely..."

Approximately 2,200 words.

EXCERPT FROM BOTTLING FARTS

Henry Winkle wasn't your ordinary pint-sized little bastard. He was an exceptionally evil turd who enjoyed taunting others, even giants that towered over him and could crush his tiny, Raisinet balls with ease. No wonder the miscreant was held back an entire year, and his parents had no choice but to send him to the Catholics after he was expelled from the public school across the street. Just two weeks at his new school, he'd already pissed off most of the faculty, notably the soft-spoken Father Amos (or was it Anus?) who embraced everyone, even demonically possessed little shits who enjoyed super gluing nuns to chairs. When his parents received word of Henry's latest exploits—swapping holy water with toilet water at the front of the church—they wondered if he might be better off at military school. Perhaps they should just load him into a cannon and fire in the direction that they thought Fork Union Military Academy was.

Hell, it was worth a shot.