Dear Little Miss Doppelganger,

I know you think you're clever, stealing my life and my best friend.

And you might've succeeded if I'd died after you marooned me.

But guess what? I found a way off this godforsaken world, and now I'm coming for you.

There's no where or when I can't reach. So, if you value your existence, I suggest you leave my ship, friends, and family alone this instant. I promise if you do, that'll be the end of it.

I'd rather be plotting my next dig while sipping root beer anyway.

But if you insist on pretending to be me...

Well, all bets are off, and most important of all, I'll make sure you never get a Viking funeral.

Love,
The Real Dakota Adams