FAMILY WANTED
Applicant's name: Boone Shelton
Position Sought: Father to adorable kids, Bethany and Brad Thomas, and husband to their mother, Nixie.
Education: Graduate of the School of Hard Knocks.
Experience: I've been a kid for thirty-three years, so I'd have no trouble relating to Bethany and Brad. As Scout master and den leader, I've learned to give children the kind of firm and loving attention I wanted when I was young. In addition, I've had lots of practice with love ... I've been in love with Nixie since I was nine years old.
Special Qualifications: I can lift four small children with one arm, teach Brad any sport he wants to play, help Bethany laugh the blues away, and show the kids how to make fake boogers out of rubber cement.
Personal: I'm a big man and, in my case, the old saying "The bigger they are the harder they fall" couldn't be more true. Nixie and her whole family have stolen my heart ... now all I want is for them to take the rest of me.