Y'all ain't never gonna believe what's inside my book. Sit yourself down, and open up a copy while I show you the joys of Carolina livin'. 

Inside you'll find a tale about my tom cat who is so mean he fears neither man nor machine. It's just a darn shame he wasn't as big on common sense as he was his attitude. Then ride along with me while I get neutered. Well, my wife Darla called it a vasectomy, but I've seen our dogs treated with more respect. After you ain't doubled over no more, I'll take you for some amazin' adventures in bathrooms from around the world. I tell you what, it's surprisin' just how excitin' the old outhouse can be. Once you've refreshed yourself, join my best dog Wobbly and me. We'll show you the joys of unconditional slobbery love, and more courage than a pack of coyotes. Finally, hop on in my pickup as we go out on the last moonshine run of the season. We'll make some new friends, and see some old ones. As you turn the last page of my book, you can finish off your last sip of good country shine and rest easy with a big ole smile on your face.