Do not always blame yourself for all the things you have passed through in life. Remember, you are serving an all-knowing God. He forgives immediately if you confess and repent. You have to move on because greater things are awaiting your attention. Strive very hard to reposition yourself, and I am sure you will make it. All you need is to develop a personal relationship with your Maker, and the rest will become history. The only condition is that you have to believe.