Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the good, old doctor to snap.

Approximately 2,300 words.

EXCERPT FROM THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC

"Doc, you've got to help me," a thin, wiry man named Zack Pimpton bent over the padded table and rubbed his behind. "My ass hurts really, really bad. I think I might have broken it." A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead.

"How did this happen?" Dr. Marsh asked.

"I don't know. I was typing up a review when suddenly my butt began to hurt. At first it was just a little. I tried to ignore it, but it got worse until I eventually found myself here. It's terrible. I can't believe I was able to drive over here." He tried sitting and recoiled immediately.

"Well, you're in luck! It's nothing life-threatening, that's for sure, but I'm afraid you won't have use of your buttocks again," the portly doctor cracked a smile.