WANTED FOR ARSON. CATFISHED AT SANTA'S. ROBBED AT THE FALLS. SHAKESPEARE OR DIE. DRIVER PICKS TUNES.

I'm weird. This isn't news to me or anything. I have lived in a UFO my entire life. This wasn't a coincidence. My parents believe in extraterrestrial life. You know, phone home and all that crap, and they dragged my sister Mercury

and I into their mess when they named us what they named us. So it wasn't a

surprise, when after getting accepted to UW and expressing my desire to

actually attend, they lamented that college is "just another ploy for the 

government to keep tabs on you, man." In other words, we won't be helping you out, Jupiter. That's fine, though, because my best friend Frankie and I can be pretty clever chicks when we want to be. We found a way up there and it was in the form of a longtime crush, his equally cute cousin, and a kickin' set of wheels. Buckle up, Buttercup, it's going to be a bumpy ride.