Do you wanna hear a story? Well, of course, you do because everyone loves stories. Especially mine. Mine, of course, is a little bit interesting since the story is based on my life. Yeah, yeah, you might think how boring someone's life is, but oh no, not mine. My life is honestly like a rollercoaster that never goddamn stops. My life is so weird that it feels like God just wanted me to have some weird, funny life that will never stop until I guess the die I die. Yeah, well, I guess I can't do anything about that huh? Anyway, back to the story. Do you wanna hear it or not? Well, of course, you're gonna have to since I'm already gonna tell you about it and there's no stopping me. Oh, by the way, my name is—