Newly-graduated, divergent magician Darius Liviu has scoured half the world in search of the rarest of rare magical artefacts: a tolerable talking sword. After a year of failure, one last rumour sees him risk Rajad's chaotic, cluttered, terrifying Great Souk. The noise, the smells, the people and his inability to move without provoking disaster make everything difficult, but Darius dares the nightmare of chaos and conversations in hope of an item will draw the eye of the man he thinks he loves.The sword he finds isn't elegant. It isn't tolerable. It has no intention of being gifted as a lover's token. It is, however, set on destroying Darius's acceptance that awkwardness and a life of misunderstandings is the best he can hope for.Certain Eldritch Artefacts is a story about autism, adulthood and the reasons why one should never enchant inanimate objects...