While letting the flies out of his apartment, Bill finds a canister of 80 billion alien zygotes on his doorstep. The doomed aliens have teleported their genome to someone they mistook for a scientist: a 384 pound alcoholic who “has tried many things.” Worse, the aliens' plea for preservation happens on a summer of meat, flies, and an overnight financial crash worse than Bill's blood sugar level.

Can Bill cross the street in time (he has 208 years) to deliver the sentient canister to real scientists? With store shelves stripped after a bank run, Bill must balance his own survival with that of an entire alien species. In this urban dystopia, cruel and ghastly TV shows pin Bill to the couch along with the most powerful force in the galaxy: food addiction.

In many desperate cupboard raids, Bill's mouth becomes a blender that can handle any crazy combination. And in the war for attention, the frozen zygotes may lose to Bill's freezer. Buy “What All Did Bill Eat?” now, and you'll lose ten pounds from laughing.