In this mock picaresque parody of DON QUIXOTE the time is the 1980s and Ronald Reagan is preslident: the setting, San Francisco. The deranged hero, Jamie Bond, is serving time for an undisclosed crime. Due to Reagan budget cuts Jamie and his sidekick, Ted (Sancho Panza), are released early from their halfway house. Jamie becomes bellman at a San Francisco Airport hotel thanks to Nancy, his psychologist at the halfway house. The next round of budget cuts costs Nancy her job and she joins Jamie at the hotel. What follows are a series of comic episodes as improbable as those in DON QUIXOTE. Like the illustrious Spanish knight, Jamie has an addiction: to violent films which impair his ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy. After accidentally foiling a robbery attempt Jamie becomes a hero. Asked how he did it, he tells police, hotel staff, and Nancy that he had been secretly trained by his Green Beret father who is really a C.I.A. agent working undercover behind the Iron Curtain and the mostly absurd events which follow add to his reputation: comic occurrances such as when a nude drunk is spotted loose somewhere in the hotel during the Republican convention and must be caught by Jamie before his presence is discovered by the Moral Majority (Nixon's "Silent Majority"). More adventures that include solving an actual murder are in store and soon involve Nancy, who falls in love with her hero. But Jamie, more comfortable chasing imaginary K.G.B. agents, terrorists, and other shady-looking types he checks into the hotel, avoids Nancy's advances for fear his secret will be found out: that he has a small penis! Why can he not have a member like those he sees in the centerfold of Playgirl Magazine? In a pharmacy he discovers a rack of self-help booklets. Among them is one by Doctor Belcher on sexual dysfunction. Inside it he discovers the diagram of a penis which makes him think of his U.S. Army .45 which his M.I.A. father had procured he said on a "midnight requisition".
Jamie disassembles the weapon and compares its parts with those of the penis in Dr. Belcher's booklet, and makes a key discovery. Armed with his sudden insight, Jamie decides to make love to Nancy since he must sooner of later: all his movie heroes are required to! Happily Nancy agrees. She tells him of her happiness plan and consents to marry him on one condition: he must stop carrying that gun of his, since she dislikes guns and is afraid of them.
Jamie is left to decide which is more important to him: Nancy or his .45? But he recieves am important message form his Dad who is still working behind enemy lines that saves him from being forced to make the difficult choice.