In her hilarious and heartfelt memoir, Kathryn Bertine tells the strange-but-true story of what life is really like behind the glitz and glamour of professional figure skating.

Bertine's childhood dream came true when she earned a place in a touring ice show. But as she traveled through the back roads of Chile and Argentina in a rickety bus with the international cast of Hollywood on Ice, she wondered if this was exactly the dream she had in mind.

Gone were the days of athleticism and artistry. Hollywood on Ice was half Disney, half Playboy. The skaters apply false eyelashes the size of caterpillars and wriggle into progressively more revealing costumes. Some performers dress up as animals; some real animals actually skate. The undeniable showstopper was the Michael Jackson number, starring a middle-aged blonde with a beer belly that is barely contained by his flashy spandex costume.

Bertine was no quitter, and she stuck it out—with laugh-out-loud humor and unfailing grace. But as she came to fully understand the differences between showbiz and sports, Bertine had to make the hardest choice of her life.

Anyone who has known—or dreamed of becoming—a skater, dancer, or professional athlete will find here a poignant, funny, and utterly winning story of a young woman's courage, resolve, and grace under pressure.