Before reading my private 'confessions'* please bear in mind the following:

(1) My husband Joe and I are soul-mates. Nothing - including a smouldering lone father or Joe's teeny mid-life crisis - could ever come between us. (Hopefully he won't find out about smouldering Lone Father's sexed-up expos of our secret 'affair' last year.)

(2) Offspring Katie and Jack are well-adjusted and happy - even if Jack thinks he's a dog and Katie wants to be a Pussy Cat Doll.

(3) VBF Louise makes new motherhood appear unnaturally glamorous. It simply isn't normal to fit back into size zero jeans so soon after giving birth - and I have the jelly belly to prove it.

(4) I did not cynically engineer my close personal friendship with Celebrity Mom Angelica Law just to get invited to red carpet events. The whole newspaper-paparazzi-telly thing was NOT my fault - I can't help it if I've got star quality in bucket-loads, can I?

*Note: The publisher 'borrowing' my diary and printing its contents does not amount to a confession. My arm had to be twisted very hard ...