Gwen is an aspiring artist, living on a beautiful California beach, on the glittering periphery of glamorous Hollywood. Fabulous, right? Well, not so much. For one thing, she works for her dingbat landlady, a pothead ex-hippie who moonlights as a junk dealer, and has hired Gwen to paint non- existent lighthouses on toilet seats. The home they share is a ramshackle, hot-pink surfer-shack that should have been condemned in the '60's.And then, Gwen's obese Beagle digs up the remains of her former employer, who dabbled in art forgery and blackmail, but made his real living catering to the film industry's BDSM crowd. The drop-dead gorgeous cop who shows up to investigate turns out to be Matt O'Connor, the love of Gwen's life. That was before she nailed him with the antique sugar bowl, of course, and before he retaliated by spanking the crap out of her with a rubber spatula.With the romance on track again, Gwen sets out to help Matt solve the murder, forcing Matt to resort to some very painful, old fashioned methods to keep her safe - and out of the art forgery business.