"I don't remember how that night ended, ultimately. Were there only two guys? I think so. I don't remember the sun coming up, or getting home, or getting into bed. I don't remember the following morning, or the one after that. My next, sharpest memory has to be of sitting at my desk in my small room and sorting through outdated school take-home papers, tossing out the irrelevancy as if symbolic with my life at the time. I was wearing sweatpants. I thought I was done with sex - or at least allowing myself to self-victimize - but after time, or too much thinking, it all came back again. The perfect drug. The perfect escape. The perfect punishment. Or was it revenge? Or both? I could not tell the difference."

This is the diary of one girl's struggle to re-examine her own sexuality from an early age, onward, and come to grips with its effects - both good and bad - on her life's path. Worshipped and abused, loved and degraded, her sexuality has shaped her persona - who she has been and who she has become - and forces readers to examine their own hidden secrets behind closed doors and beneath the sheets.