A hilarious dialogue takes place between Cleopatra, the Serpent of the Nile and her handmaiden Charmion, just before the Egyptian queen makes her exit from this world in her own highly original way. Marilyn isn't around to show Cleo how to do it with Nembutals, more's the pity. Slitting the wrist is simply too messy, hanging too undignified, seppuku too Japanese, drowning too watery, jumping off a pyramid too risky (what if you don't die on the spot!), and poison too uncertain.

So Cleo opts for the time-honoured tradition of applying an asp to the bosom. By the way, this mode of suicide is only meant for women, eunuchs, and Egyptian drag-queens. The straight dudes either fall on their swords or jump into a pool of crocodiles. There's a high price to pay if you're both macho and suicidal at one and the same time in Egypt.

Picture it! The Queen of Upper and Lower Egypt is in her throne-room, dolled up in full state regalia, an inch of makeup on her face, her whole being bedecked with a girl's best friend and other precious stones. Charmion approaches her with a basketful of figs. The mound of figs moves. There is something concealed underneath it – something that lives – and is ready, willing and able to deliver the kiss of death ...