Once upon a time, in a town called Hollywood, there was a vampire so very self-assured, so convinced of his immunity to mankind, that he used his ill-gotten wealth to finance —and star in— a motion picture based on his own life. The vampire's film, in turn, attracted a rabid cult audience, who attended midnight shows dressed as characters in the film, talked to the screen, and threw things in the cinema. Eventually —unable to help himself— the vampire went to see the show that had sprung up around his show, which was a big mistake, as several of the audience members were not just avid movie-goers but were in fact scientists, who have in their possession information that will change the life of every vampire on Earth forever.