Here is my story, unlikely and unvarnished, of life with Big Green – that is, my nearly three-decade relationship with one of the biggest environmental groups in the U.S., the National Wildlife Federation. Along the way, including thirteen years on NWF's staff, I saw environmentalism from the inside and witnessed firsthand its fundamental failure. I learned why environmental groups will never gain sufficient political momentum to save the earth, however noble their intentions.

My trajectory within NWF took me from an obscure regional job to executive positions at its headquarters near Washington, DC. I worked in the shadow of an enigmatic boss who was one of my best friends – the brilliant, complex, and maddening Mark Van Putten.

I was by Mark's side as he achieved the pinnacle of an environmentalist's career – President & CEO of NWF – only to crash and burn before my eyes. It is a woeful tale of friendship failed – my conservation crusading partner transforming into the boss I could barely abide.

What was that all about? Why didn't my partnership with Mark succeed? Why couldn't we make a do-gooder organization of immense potential work better? Why can't the environmental movement get its act together? And, how did my once sweet calling – working to protect nature – turn so sour?