Clark Hornbell wants you to pipe down and listen up. Sure he's not real, but he has a lot to say about handshakes, using French to make things sound classier, and pumping up the self-esteem of his illegitimate children. Do yourself a favor and get educated on all this, plus a myriad of other topics. You'd do well to read on.At times insightful and always funny, Clark Hornbell's wicked charm oozes out of every essay. Enjoy part one of this two part series!