Hey, folks. I'm Joe, and I'm a vampire – not by choice, mind you, but by accident...a fate-twisting, fang-creating, blood lust-inducing misunderstanding.

It started with a group date, a case of mistaken identity and far too many sake bombers, and ended with a ridiculous set of circumstances that I just can't seem to wrap my head around.

Maybe you can tell: I'm not real happy about it. But I'm certainly not going to let it get in the way of my life.

So I've thrown my ranting into a blog. I'm hanging out my dirty laundry in an effort to explain the real deal about being a card-carrying member of the Undead Elite. Maybe it will help others understand the truth about vampires. Believe me, it's not all satin capes and naked ladies...none of it is, actually. Instead, it's just one nasty little surprise after another. The truth bears exposing, and I'm pulling back the curtain on all of it. If I can figure out how to keep it from mowing me over in the process, then that's groovy, too.

And that thing about vampires sparkling in the sun?

That is a bunch of bull.