In No Cats, No Chocolate, mystery authors Ken Kuhlken and Alan Russell hit the road with high hopes and dreams of winning the fame they're convinced they deserve, as guests on a national television show. As always, they believe their failure to sell millions of books results from a conspiracy perhaps led by the competition. For evidence, read on.

The Scientific Community Is in Agreement! "There are few subjects upon which the scientific community is in agreement, and the science fiction community is just as fractious. However, when it comes to Russell and Kuhlken we all concur: We hope they fall into a wormhole, end up on the other side of a distant galaxy, and are never heard from again!" – David Brin, bestselling author of The Postman

On My Top Ten List! "My biggest regret in retiring from the FBI is that I can't put these two jokers behind bars. I wouldn't be surprised if one day a lynch mob stormed one of their signings, and neither would I be surprised if law enforcement turned a blind eye to the people's justice." – Gene Riehl, author of Quantico Rules