There are three reasons why Tom Zurbo-Goldblatt is creeping into school like a scaredy little weed this morning:

1. Today is Muck Up Day and the Year 12s are planning to take down the school in the biggest Quad Raid ever.

2. He is on Yard Duty. So not only will he have to clean up all the Muck Up Day mess, he's also wearing a girly T-shirt with the word 'boy' on it.

3. Bushing. Which is a combination of pushing and bushes, and the reason why Tom wants to avoid the rose garden.

Also, the Students Combined Underground Movement is falling apart - Jarrell and Jack S have fallen in love and are being all lovey-dovey vommy, Brisley has decided to join a much cooler gang, Ravo is just miserable, and Tom's only friend is a pig in a nappy.

On top of all this, the schoolyard is a warzone of silly string, toilet paper and supa-soakers filled with Vietnamese fish sauce. Tom's determined to survive, but can he choose between his own safety and the future of SCUM?

It's going to be a long and crazy day.