A laugh-so-hard-you-snort journey through house hunting, marriage, mouse traps, and mild emotional collapse. This isn't just a hilarious story — it's your unofficial (but surprisingly accurate) roadmap to surviving the homebuying process. From the first "Should we even buy a house?" conversation, to the whole buying process, to the chaos of moving in and making it through year one, this book covers almost every ridiculous, stressful, and unexpected thing that can happen — and it's packed with professional insights to help you handle it all like a pro. Yes, you'll laugh. A lot. But you'll also walk away better prepared, more confident, and way less likely to cry in your bathroom over an inspection report.

Welcome to the wild world of first-time homebuying — where Zillow becomes your toxic best friend, pre-approvals are a love language, and one poorly staged open house can ruin your entire weekend. Meet a newly married couple on a mission to find "the one" — not a soulmate (they already did that), but a house with decent plumbing, semi-normal neighbors, and a kitchen that doesn't scream "1972 called and wants its mustard tile back." She's full of Pinterest dreams and romantic ideals. He just wants a big garage and doesn't understand why recessed lighting is apparently a dealbreaker.

Told through diary entries, Diary of a First-Time Homebuyer chronicles the highs, lows, and deep psychological breakdowns of two people trying to adult their way into homeownership. Along the way, you'll find: A showdown over humane vs. "just kill it" mouse traps An emotional support dog named Bandit who judges everything Mortgage moments that make you question all your life choices The discovery that "charming" is code for "you'll need therapy" A real estate broker who deserves sainthood (and snacks) And a surprise twist that turns a house into a home — literally 💕

Many diary entries end with a Pro Tip that's equal parts helpful and hilarious — so you'll actually learn something while laughing at their unraveling. This book is for anyone who's ever bought a home, sold a home, dreamed of a home, or just needed a good laugh about other people doing it. Whether you're single, married, or emotionally attached to your rental, you'll relate to the anxiety, the absurdity, and the beautiful mess of trying to build a life one closing cost at a time. So grab your favorite blanket, pour a cup of coffee (or wine, we don't judge and we can possibly even be friends), and get ready to laugh, cringe, and cheer your way through the Diary of a First-Time Homebuyer.