HOW NOT TO BE UKRAINE: A Manual for Small States That Want to Live is a savage, satirical field guide for nations tired of dying nobly and being thanked posthumously. Drawing on the brutal lessons of Ukraine's helpless gratitude and Israel's masterful manipulation, A.A. Castor delivers an unflinching strategy manual for geopolitical survival in a world run by hypocrites. Why beg for tanks when you can blackmail your patrons into funding your bombings? Why die for someone else's values when you can redefine your aggression as moral duty?

Through ten blistering chapters, Castor teaches you how to sanctify your suffering, weaponize guilt, demand upgrades while insulting your allies, and secure permanent military funding by becoming the indispensable parasite your benefactors fear to lose. With wit as sharp as artillery and prose soaked in sarcasm, this book flips every Western value on its head—and laughs as it does it.

Perfect for readers of political satire, foreign policy cynics, and future dictators with style, HOW NOT TO BE UKRAINE is your unapologetic blueprint for playing the empire's game—and winning.