Welcome to the digital graveyard! Remember when the internet felt like a Wild West saloon-full of human chaos, creativity, and questionable Geocities pages? Yeah, that's dead. Now it's a sterile Potemkin village where bots argue with bots, AI writes 87% of your "news," and your existential dread is monetized by algorithms.

In this darkly witty autopsy, you'll discover:

- How 64.4% of web traffic is now malicious bots

- Why Google search is a magic trick with 1.2 billion phantom results

- The coming "Eschatological Singularity" (99.9% AI content by 2030)

But wait-there's hope! We'll arm you with:

- Digital shovels to bury bot-driven nonsense

- Regulatory stakes to slay surveillance capitalism

- Human-only gardens where ideas grow wild again

"A thing isn't dead if it can still be traded."

-Silicon Valley's epitaph for humanity