☁️🫖 The Book of Steam and Madness

The Sacred Scripture of the Church of the Existential Teatime
"The truth whistles just before the kettle screams."

Have you ever felt strangely moved by the gentle hiss of a kettle?
Do you long for spiritual guidance but find most belief systems lacking in biscuits?
Have you accidentally started a cult... again?

Then this is your gospel.

The Book of Steam and Madness is the (un)holy scripture of the Church of the Existential Teatime—a surreal, steeped, and wholly uncontainable spiritual satire about cracked cups, sentient kettles, and the dangerously sacred art of brewing things too long. Half mystic revelation, half fever dream, and fully unqualified for orthodox use, this faux-sacred text explores the limits of spiritual meaning and caffeine tolerance.

Penned by imaginary monks and haunted prophets with questionable credentials, this 39-chapter epic spans:

Along the way, you'll encounter:

This book is a ritual object for the spiritually suspicious, the caffeine-baptized, and anyone who's ever stared into a mug and seen their own confusion mirrored back in steam.

🍵 Who Is This Book For?

✨ From the Book Itself:

"In the beginning, there was steam. And from that steam rose the Teacup Primordial, dreaming of a kettle that might one day make it whole."

"All perfection is heresy. The crack is where the prophecy seeps out."

"Do not worship the leaf. Worship the space it steeps in."

Content Note:

No actual religious figures are harmed, idolized, or quoted with permission.
All heresies are entirely fictional.
All tea rituals are real... probably.

Drink deeply. Steep wisely. And remember:
The steam never lies—
It just doesn't explain itself.