Dear Reader,

First of all, thank you. Not for buying this book (although, bless you for that), but for simply picking it up. That alone suggests you might be a fellow wanderer in the land of bewilderment — someone who's looked around at the world and thought, "Nope. That can't be right."

Welcome. You are not alone. Also, there's no formal dress code, but tea is encouraged.

You see, I didn't write this book because I had great wisdom to share. I wrote it because the alternative was spending another Tuesday evening arguing with my smart kettle, which has recently developed an attitude. Somewhere between a minor life crisis and a major craving for biscuits, I found myself jotting down the absurdities I encounter daily — from suspiciously happy pigeons to government forms that ask if I've "ever emotionally bonded with a sandwich."

I didn't expect anyone to read it. I certainly didn't expect anyone to relate to it. But the more I scribbled, the more I realised something oddly comforting: perhaps we're all just trying to find meaning in the nonsense, humour in the chaos, and maybe — if we're lucky — someone to share a cuppa with along the way.

This book is my attempt to make peace with the madness. Not by fixing it, but by laughing at it. Loudly. With a biscuit in each hand.

So whether you're reading this on a crowded train, in a quiet loo, or while pretending to work on an important spreadsheet — I hope you find a chuckle, a sigh of recognition, or at the very least, a new appreciation for how gloriously ridiculous life can be.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the toaster's humming again. And I think it's threatening me in Morse code.

Vikki