This audiobook is narrated by a digital voice.

Dan Chambers is not a runner. He's not even a fast walker. But thanks to a drunken bet, a misplaced sense of pride, and the hopeful smile of a woman far too fit for him, he finds himself standing at the start line of a half marathon, wearing brand-new trainers and a deep sense of regret.

By mile one, his lungs are on fire. By mile two, he's contemplating faking an injury. By mile three, he's hiding in a ditch. What follows is a desperate, increasingly ridiculous attempt to reach the finish line without actually running—hitching lifts on mobility scooters, stealing a child's bike, and possibly committing light fraud.

Will Dan make it to the end? Will he win the girl? Or will he simply collapse into a pile of energy gels and shame?

A laugh-out-loud tale of shortcuts, bad decisions, and one man's truly terrible commitment to fitness.