Ever opened Being and Time and wondered if your brain had a stroke?

Ever wanted to understand Heidegger, but all you got was a migraine and a vague sense of personal failure?

This is the book for you.

Being Really Confused is the hilariously brutal, no-holds-barred, sarcasm-soaked guide to Martin Heidegger's philosophical fever dream. Whether you're a burned-out philosophy major, a curious masochist, or someone who just wants to sound terrifyingly deep at brunch, this book unpacks the most infamously unreadable thinker of the 20th century—with jokes, rants, and zero patience for pretension.

Inside, you'll find:

What "Dasein" actually means (spoiler: it's just you, but anxious)

How to ruin conversations with phrases like "Being-toward-death"

Why "the they" is probably responsible for your haircut

And how to survive Being and Time without filing a lawsuit against your own brain

Equal parts roast and revelation, this book doesn't just explain Heidegger—it drags him, hugs him, then drags him again.

Read it if:

You want to laugh at existential dread

You love philosophy but hate suffering

You've been pretending to understand Heidegger and want to finally maybe mean it

Warning: May cause spontaneous existential crises, unbearable smugness, and the urge to buy a black turtleneck.