Tell Fate to take a hike. This year She'll be denied. It's my turn, and y'all better buckle up. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

This year, I'm changing the rules.

No more second fiddle for me.

There'll be no snow, no North Wind for Santa's stupid sleigh, and no, I mean definitely-no-way-no-how-no nip in the air for the tip of your disgusting little noses.

I'm taking a stand. The buck stops here – and you better believe I mean every single one of those frikkin' prancin' Reindeer.

My name is Cailleach Bheur, and I'm here to screw with your holidays.

And you can blow that right out the toe of your stinkin' stocking for all I care!