Stan was a girl growing up in a male body in a small, conservative, religious, farm community in Indiana in the 1950s without an understanding or language of trans. Stan, a child undecided, caught in a life of cows, responding to ever changing sets of circumstance with intersections of family trauma, gender, and class, thrown into a world already defined, often lost and bewildered.Living life stealth, running hard to be normal, to catch up, to be noticed. Then getting noticed, being included, respected. Making believe that respect and inclusion were the same as finding a home, being whole. Older, alone, and being more out, still a home and community painfully elusive through the struggles of self and others figuring out how to relate.