If the Darwin Award existed as an actual trophy, I'd bet my favorite PS5 controller I'd win it. The dedication would read, To Lena Kozek, for bravely—and idiotically—holding a mob boss at gunpoint in a public library.

Because that's exactly what I'm doing, and it's making my upper lip sweat like a shot glass of Fireball on a humid summer's day.

Yes, I said gunpoint and mobster and library in one sentence. And yes, I'm standing here in my dead mother's dress, my favorite army boots, holding a gun that, three days ago, I didn't know I'd been trained to use.

Had it really only been three days? Back then, I'd been excited to pull the trigger on something completely different...