My life has always been such a clownish mess. Still, nothing beats old Mrs. Janey leaving her silly parrot a vast percentage of her establishment, worth billions. Now the bird, Boosh, is a billionaire! Hilarious, right? For goodness, flipping, sake! Who does that?

Want to know my part in this story? I'm to be Boosh's guardian, because how else does a parrot get to be assured of its newfound wealth without a human in the picture? Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered but not flattered that Mrs. Janey saw me fit enough to be part of this absurd scheme.

Do you know what's crazier, though? Getting Mrs. Janey's grandson, Craig Vans, out of the way. Before I tell you about the man's overwhelming god-like looks, I will give you a glimpse of why he's so upset in the first place. Craig has always had his way, including the multiple chains of companies in his name. He was more prosperous than anyone in New York, so why wouldn't he step down as the CEO and leave just this one establishment to the poor birdy Boosh?

The glaring answer was that Craig Vans was so full of himself ... well, the truth is that he had every right to be. The first day I met him, I wanted to forget my panties on his face. Want to know more? Read on.