Many moons ago, before I realized that screenwriting is a young man's game, and dazzled by reports of fuck-you money being paid to average guys like Joe Eszterhas for SHOWGIRLS and similar pieces of drek, I became seduced by the idea of adapting my novels into screenplays. Result: a couple hundred queries ignored and a prodigal squandering of time. No matter: here are my first efforts at writing for the silver screen, and various other scribblings.